endings, start again

I'm taking a bit of a rest at home right now, but tonight, it's back off to school for me. I already had one class today, and this makes two. Not too bad for one day, but it's more mind-boggling than anything else that school had begun anew. I know, for the people on the semester system, school is in full swing, and midterms are fast approaching. However, for the quarter system, school is inching forward, but in 10 weeks, things go quickly. It's scary, really.

On a less stressful note, I was in New York City this weekend. Here's just a snapshot of what went on.







For the rest of the photos, go over to my flickr.

More on this later, and observations about a cultural no-man's land. Because I'm too worried about getting to class on time.

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Saturday morning in New York.

A license plate reading AZNJEDI just drove by. Well, I was amused.

dear god

Less than a week 'til departure and my nerves are shot to hell. I don't think I'll be able to eat on the plane if I'm this nervous this early in the game. Pray for me.

ouch

I managed to give myself the worst blisters yesterday. Now I have to take it easy on my feet, so they'll be up to a New York adventure in a week. Oh, man, I could have seen this coming a mile away, eh?

curious and curiouser

Do Norms Reduce Torture? (Working Paper)

Trying to figure out what I'm going to do in terms of grad school search when I'm in New York.

Perhaps more to be added later.

emptiness

Right now, I'm at work, and I feel ... rather void. I can't pinpoint the seat of my distress, but there's just this overwhelming sensation that something is missing. If I knew what it was, I don't think this would be a problem, but here I am ... wondering.

Things are just changing so fast. I think change makes me uneasy. I get into these funks every now and then, after all, and it's usually when something big has happened. We're moving stuff around at the office, so jobs are being redistributed, and I guess I'm just feeling left out. I'm the only student right now. Alas.

Bright spot: I'm going to NYC in two weeks. Master's shopping, yarn, and musical theatre. How could I resist? I really need to do some research, but hopefully I'll figure it out. Who knows? After a rushed double major and five years of school, I could be a crazy person, but I can't see myself in the real world -- not yet. In time, perhaps.

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And a ... boat.

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Shoes!

confessional

• I am terrified of growing up.


• I am 21, and I still don't know what I want to do with my life.


• I am a self-diagnosed commitment-phobic.


• I wear my heart on my sleeve ... sometimes with less than ideal results.


• I barely cry anymore, but when I was in grammar school, it was second nature.


• I want to travel the world.


• I love my family more than anything, but when my parents are around, my sister and I fight like nobody's business.


• I don't read my textbooks during the year, but when summer comes around, I read like crazy.


• I still can't get over my perfectionist tendencies after all these years.


• I have a thyroid condition, and I hate taking pills three times a day.


• I tend to bottle things up inside because I don't think anyone else will get it.


• I miss my friends.

for the record

Cool Things:
Ikea Hacker
Mosaic Table

Blog Ideas:
The "i" Generation
Signatures (Things Noticed)
Life, Upcoming
Grad School Search
Book Club
Autumn Approaches
Travel

a year gone

I can't believe that it has already been a year since I studied abroad in Rome (a Roma). Thinking about it brings back all those feelings, the growing up I faced, all on my own. There was nobody else to guide me, to take me step by step to the finish line. I was on my own. I feel that, in those four months I spent in Europe, I grew up more than I had in the past 20 or so years of my existence. It was time. Nobody else had stopped me before, from getting where I needed to be -- I just wasn't ready yet. Europe was a test, and I think I passed. I slept in a tunnel in Venice, rode on the back of a moped in Rome, explored Florence alone, froze my tail off in Budapest, and experienced snow in Berlin. I got a tasted for wanderlust, and now I can't just give that up. I don't want to stop moving now. I want to see the world, and I will. (It's just going to take a while to earn enough money. Ew.)

I just sent SMS's to friends abroad. I think it's the least I can do. I mean, after all, I was a lonely kid in Italy. (I often ate alone and rarely went out. Blame it on my unwillingness to compromise myself or risk wearing heels on Italian cobblestones.) I mean, every country must be experienced its own way, but every now and then, it's nice to know that someone from home loves you and is thinking about you. When abroad, I don't think I expected the world, but the little things, the sweet things (like gelato! ;)) were what stuck out in my mind. Things fade, but the knowledge that someone cares for you stays with you.

In essence, I don't actually know what I'm trying to say, but maybe it's this: show love wherever and whenever; don't let distance and time hold you back.

the turning of the tides

It's September. More symbolically, it's Labor Day Weekend in the states, which signifies a change. For many, it's time to go back to school, to return to the daily grind from three glorious months of summer vacation. It's time to reunite with friends, perhaps to slip back into the most familiar rhythm.

For me, school has yet to start. We don't begin until late in this fall month, and that blessing allows me to travel just a little bit more. I've already been home this summer, and I traveled to Orlando, FL for the LCMS National Youth Gathering way back at the end of July/beginning of August. It seems far away now, just as the rest of the summer does. I am looking forward to my NYC excursion right before school starts. Yarn hopping and musical theatre. How does one resist! I know I can't.

Still, after that, school starts. School brings us back, but every year we're changing, every year the young get younger, and the old get older. At least that's how I see about it. I'm going to be in my fourth year of college. This makes me old! Oh my. Thing is, I don't know if I ever saw this coming. In some ways, I still feel like that poor little naive freshman who just left her parents for the first time in 18 years. In 18 years, I hadn't moved too far. In just 3 or 4 more I've grown stronger in so many ways. I've got life experiences under my belt, and I've tested myself and taken on leadership. I still feel lost, though. I suppose it's good that I don't know where I'm headed, but every now and then, I just want to know. We'll see where this year takes me. Hopefully, it's to a place where I can continue to learn, and by that, I don't just mean university. :)